永远委屈着

雙魚其實脾氣很不好
但是雙魚願意委屈著

雙魚希望自己堅強點
至少在別人面前可以瀟灑點

雙魚希望自己不愛哭
因為不哭的話就不會過意不去

雙魚希望自己放鬆點
所以常常一副瘋子的樣子不讓人看穿

control?

lately i have been
unwell
but is it really a sickness?
how can a sickness feel so right?


well,
i don't eat.

i don't eat because i don't like my body and i don't like the way it looks.
i don't eat because there's no one to eat with and i don't like eating alone.
i don't eat because
i don't want to eat.

and i feel fine. i feel great, accomplished, like i am in charge of my own body and my own life, because i have control of something for once in my life, and truthfully

i have control over nothing else.

一个两个发神经

世界不是为了你们而转的

第一，
你每次都说想念他
可是做得出他100%不会赞成的事
拥有的不会珍惜
整天就不知足过活
想被人家看得起 被人看不起时讲他们不了解
不想被人看不起 被看得起时却会觉得很压力
因为自己心情不好就把全世界的人当成垃圾
硬硬要把自己搞到越来越糟糕 却拿别的理由来覆盖
你到底几时要长大？

第二，
你每次说很烦
可是坚持要照你的方式去做
自己想要的却不要说出来
到最后 没有做就讲到别人很没用很不自动很不负责人
到最后 做了也会被批评这个不好那个不好什么都不好
你到底想怎样？过去几个月我为了你而做的都是废的？
请不要因为他很完美就把责任全部推在我身上！
你到底几时要醒悟？

一个两个
我不懂你们要什么
我还是自己过自己的生活好了

透明

有时虽然知道你不是故意的
可是想到我那么没有存在感
我真的很伤心。。。

 

?

take a walk.

am i the only want who always wants
more more more more more?
i want more freedom
i want more time
i want i want i want

but stupid girl, the world is not a wish granting factory.

in a way, there's absolutely nothing more i should want from my life
and yet, there is something
empty
like a gaping hole
a void
black and neverending
that's just there
and i just don't seem to be able to fill it

i want to be perfect
i want to be the smartest and the prettiest and the kindest
but i am neither and it makes me sick
i want i want i want

but stupid girl, the world is not a wish granting factory.


and then, i want to have
fun?
i want to be so gone from this world i can't remember my own name
i want to be in control and not be in control
controlling my uncontrollability?
i want to forget that i am not perfect
and for a short moment
i want to be okay with it.

but stupid girl,

the world is not a wish granting factory.

so i should stop wanting for things that i cannot have.

能不能？

雙魚座很自卑很多時不敢去要求別人 只好逼著自己走

然而當事情達不到自己想象的完美時 自虐癥便開始發作 向自身發泄情緒

她情商其實不高 復原能力慢 固執 很喜歡鉆問題空子 所以總是把自己逼在死胡同

人無完人 變數很多 地球不是為了自己而轉

別總是把事情看得那麽重 能不能愛自己多一點?